The point of sleep training is to teach your baby or child to fall asleep independently at bedtime and for naps. The goal is that they are not relying on anything external (babies 4 months and older) like a pacifier, bouncing, rocking, or a feed to get them to sleep. In short, no, you cannot sleep train and bed share.
Why it won’t work
When a baby is bed sharing, they typically rely on a feed and contact with a parent to get them to sleep. This also means they need the same thing to fall back to sleep after waking up in the middle of the night. It’s a big request that your child falls asleep on their own and sleeps all night if what they use to get to sleep (feed or you) is literally in their face all night long but they can’t use it.
Parents who bed share and call me for help fall into 2 categories: 1) those who have a kiddo in their bed and are ready to move them into their bed and 2) they want their child to stay in their bed with them, but fall asleep on their own and sleep all night long.
If you fall into the first category, I can help you teach your child to be a great, independent sleeper. If you are in category 2, I can’t help, but I am here if you decide you’re ready to change where your kiddo sleeps.
Is everyone in the family happy with where they sleep?
If the answer is yes, then no need to make a change. I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I am here to offer guidance if your current sleep situation is not working for everyone in your family.
Take a moment and evaluate where everyone is sleeping. Often, one parent is bed sharing with a child, and the other parent is left sleeping in another room or on the couch. Another common situation is each parent is bedsharing with a child in different rooms and one (or both) parents would like to get back to sleeping in their bed together again. If it works for your family, great. If it doesn’t, consider taking steps to make a change.
I recommend doing a “check-in” every 3-months to evaluate if everyone in the family is getting a healthy amount of restorative sleep where they are sleeping.
Will my child “grow out of it”
Habits are hard to change. Sleep habits rarely fix themselves.
When I became a mother 10 years ago, I struggled and agonized with sleep deprivation for months because I was certain he would just “grow out of it.” Well, nothing changed until I taught him to be a great sleeper.
I’ve worked with the moms of babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and even elementary-aged kids who assumed their child would simply sleep in their room when they were ready. That might happen. But if it does, it will most likely take years. If you and your child are not getting unfragmented sleep at night, I highly recommend that you do something about it and not suffer the health implications or daily struggle that happens when your sleep needs are not being met.
If you are ready for change
If you aren’t sleeping well with your child in your bed, but want to keep them close, you absolutely can. Room sharing allows you to sleep close to your babe while each of you has your own sleep space.
Putting a bassinet or travel crib in your room is a great way to go until you are ready to move your little one to their own room. If your baby is over 6 months old, I highly recommend having a visual barrier between you and your baby. The older a baby gets, the more stimulated they become knowing you are right there, so having a partition between the 2 of you is hugely helpful.
Just a helpful reminder to make sure your room is dark, dark, dark!
Are you hesitant to make a change?
If you are completely content with your sleep in your home, you probably stopped reading by now. If you are struggling, ask yourself these questions:
Am I getting 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night?
Is my baby getting 11-12 hours of sleep (and possibly a night feed depending on age)?
Is everyone in the house sleeping well?
Is everyone in the house sleeping where they’d like to be?
Figuring out all of this sleep stuff can be overwhelming. If you’re ready to get better sleep, I can help you break it down into a personalized, manageable sleep plan for your kiddo. Schedule a FREE 15-minute sleep evaluation call with me here. And don’t forget to follow me on Instagram for more tips and a weekly sleep Q&A on Tuesdays.