I speak with moms all day long, every day. Most of what we chat about is sleep-related, but our conversations inevitably lead in different directions. We talk about toddler eating struggles, daily routines, potty training milestones, and all things mama-related.
When I became a mother 12 years ago, my world was rocked. I experienced the most intense and instantaneous kind of love, but I also slowly became filled with self-doubt and insecurity. There were so many decisions to be made: Would I nurse or bottle-feed or both? Did my baby nap on me or in a bassinet? When should I start going to playgroups? Did I use the wrong kind of laundry detergent? Was I being irresponsible if I ditched the cloth diapers I’d had my heart set on using?
Ugh… it was exhausting. The two things that got me through that first year were support from close friends and family (especially the couple of trusted friends I had who were a year or two ahead of me in their motherhood journey) and mom groups. Some were in person, and others were online, but I found support and camaraderie with these other new moms.
Sometimes it was helpful simply knowing that others were experiencing what I was going through and that I wasn’t the only one. Other times, it was their great recommendations or sound advice that made all the difference. Either way, it was the support I needed at a life-changing time.
Finding Your Mama Village
Even if you have a solid group of girlfriends or sisters, having a group that is in the same season of life as you can be tremendously helpful. I am not the kind of person who enjoys hanging out with strangers, but I am so grateful that I pushed myself to get out of my comfort zone. I also chose to invest in experts and services that were game-changers at the time.
A Few Ideas For Connection
Baby classes like Kindermusik or Gymboree
Fitness classes like Fit4Mom where you get together with other moms and your babies and also get in a workout (good for your body AND mind!)
Breastfeeding support groups or classes
Postpartum support groups
Postpartum yoga classes
Online Mom Groups (These are often regional on platforms like Facebook. The bonus is that you’re meeting moms who are also nearby, allowing for potential in-person connections.)
Follow great online content that’s easy and informative. I recommend @thriveafterbaby for some excellent postpartum tips.
Support Worth Every Penny
Over the past 10 years, I’ve spent money on services that saved time and energy, lowered my stress levels, changed my family dynamic, and saved my mental health. These include:
House cleaning service
Nanny
Meal delivery
Lactation consultant
Pediatric sleep consultant
Therapist (personal, marriage, yoga, and child)
Online parenting courses
ADHD behavioral modification expert
If I could do it all over again, I’d also invest in a postpartum doula.
What Feels Right to You?
There are all sorts of parenting styles out there. Take what you like from them and ditch the rest. Just because you align with most aspects of one philosophy doesn’t mean it has to be all or nothing.
You can form a close attachment with your kiddo and sleep in separate beds. You can have a loving parenting style and still maintain clear boundaries for your kids. Do what feels suitable for you and your family.
Put Your Phone Down
As empowering as knowledge is, too much can be overwhelming. If you feel like information is coming at you from all angles, STOP and put your phone down. Take a break, trust your gut, and reach out to your people. Most importantly, there is no shame in asking for help when you need it.
Hit ‘reply’ and tell me the best thing you’ve done for support during your first few years as a mother. And of course, if you need help in the sleep department, you can book a discovery call and we’ll discuss options.